I Can Forgive, But Can’t Forget …
How often do we hear someone say that? Maybe we’ve said it ourselves.
Of course, we all know what people mean when they say that. Sometimes it might be in the context of some truly awful experience when something has happened that is so traumatic the memory is seared into the very fabric of our lives. If a motorist’s reckless driving has resulted in the death of someone’s child, how could that possibly be forgotten? The child cannot be forgotten, so how could their death be forgotten?
In circumstances like that the miracle is that someone could even begin to express forgiveness for the person that has caused them such horror and loss.
But fortunately, such appalling experiences are rare. I think that in most ordinary circumstances the claim that we’ve forgiven but are unable to forget is much more problematic.
In his letter to the Ephesians, an extract from which is our second reading this morning, St Paul is not talking about the big issues of life. He is talking about the everyday annoyances and slights that we all inflict on one another all the time – probably quite often without even realising it.
“Never have grudges against others, or lose your temper, or raise your voice to anybody, or call each other names, or allow any sort of spitefulness.” How many of us can say that we always follow that advice?
And yet, even though these are small, everyday things, St Paul makes a remarkable claim.
He says that when we give in to this kind of behaviour, we “grieve the Holy Spirit of God who has marked [us] with his seal for [us] to be set free when the day comes. ”
In other words, all these seemingly minor things are a matter of salvation. Through our baptisms, we have been marked out to receive the freedom that Jesus won for us on the cross – and we put that freedom at risk when we behave badly to one another.
So, if a brother or sister in this church community has upset you in some way, don’t say that you’ve forgiven them, but that you can’t forget what they’ve done. Because in the rough and tumble of everyday life, holding on to the memory of every slight or offence we may feel has been done to us is a certain sign that we haven’t really forgiven the other person at all.
Notices
Our next PCC Meeting is on 1st September, so all PCC Members should please take note.
Please be reminded that our Brigade will be launched in September, please pick a form at the back of church or speak to Susan, our children’s champion.
Please support the church generously through your giving at www.stanselm.co.uk/giving